Persoonlijk | Are you on to the next?

No, I’m just chilling, I’m just chilling. There is no one in my life right now, I’m just chilling. For the first time in my life I realized everything I thought is changing, right in front of my face. Like, I didn’t plan this. People keep talking to me and asking me questions and I still can’t answering questions because it’s still happening right now, I’m still going trough emotions of like what am I gotta do. You don’t just stop loving someone, you just don’t stop caring for them, you don’t stop worrying about them. You know what I’m saying? Especially when you grew up together. He really really held me down and in the beginning he was the perfect person. I tell my girlfriend, my best friend, but sometimes I still wanna tell him stuff and get his opinion. I gave him what he gave me, he gave him his all, and I give him my all. And at the same time, we’re talking about my best fucking friend. Like someone I would really jump in front of a fucking bullet for.
I don’t wanna be in this fragile broken stabile all the time. I wanna be strong and I wanna be good but, I’m human.

But you know what? I was so madly in love with him.
My relationship was based of on love and there is still nothing but love there. I mean this is not a person I just picked up of the street.
Sometimes… attachment is unhealthy. Like being attached to someone and it think we were addicted to each other for so long.
Really there was no one else that could be in my life, that could done what he did, the way he held it down, he did so much for me.
I don’t even know how I’m gonna function without that person in my life. I never lived my life without him.

I was in this long long long four year relationship and I was purposed too, I was hold him you know what? Let’s hold off. No one could prepare for this business, until you are in it. This business changed people I really loved. It’s scary, it’s really scary. They start loving material things. And forgetting about just good old fashion love and trust. Stuff like that. It feels like a death.

But… Once I loved you, I always love you. ️♥


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